Tag: Fashion

Hello 13-Year-Old Me

I have been feeling a little nostalgic lately. It might be the spring season or the articles I have been reading about millennials or the PowerPuff Girls return to Cartoon Network. By the way, did you PowerPuff Yourself? You know I had to. Anyways, you know I am always sharing reflections on different things here on the blog, but usually only look back a few months or years. What if we looked back over 10 years ago?

I was 13 in 2002, before Instagram, Twitter, and YouTube. For entertainment, I brought my CD Walkman to school to listen to Alicia Keys “Songs in A Minor” or read the latest edition to “A Series of Unfortunate Events” or “Harry Potter.” I got most of my news from Channel One News and preferred watching Rocket Power and As Told By Ginger instead of De Grassi and One Tree Hill. Life was pretty good.

Now my brother, who is the special guest in my photos, is 13 going on 14. I am glad to share that we have a great relationship. We actually like each other! We do not only talk about the philosophical comparisons between Drake and Kendrick Lamar, but also the source of anti-matter, the intricacies of our brains, and the latest sneakers and gadgets. Sometimes, I pause and wonder if I was this deep at 13. Advances in technology have influenced the way youth mature in ways that are really remarkable. However there are still some things that the internet cannot give you: insight. I have noted that my brother, and possibly other 13 year olds, are dealing with the same difficulties I faced at that age. These difficulties are not with school work or home responsibilities, but more with interactions and paying attention to the bigger picture. Thus, I want to share some insight with 13-year-old me.

The usefulness of your teacher is hit or miss. I respect the profession, but I had more unhelpful experiences than I would like to admit. Unfortunately, not all teachers have the gift for education and sometimes use their position to hinder a student’s progress. Whether or not you are in this situation, always focus on what you can get out of the subject or class. The goal is to finish middle school to move on. Who cares if your teacher likes you or not? It would be nice if they did, but do not use that as an excuse to allow your grades to drown. There are so many wonderful things (and bigger challenges) to look forward to. Try to develop a healthier set of priorities.

Your friends enhance your life, but do not determine your worth. All of you are at a phase in your life where you are beginning to develop your individual persona. Some will be influenced by trends, religion, or family. Respect your friends and colleagues regardless of what they choose. Do not judge a person’s choices when you do not know their story. The healthiest option is to be true to who you are. You can try new things, but do not get lost in what is popular. Being unique will always be cool.

Remember how fun P.E. was a few years ago in elementary school? It felt like extra recess. So, what happened with P.E. in middle school? True, we did not play as many games and would just run around, but that is besides the point. You need to stay active. If you are a natural athlete, it would be easier for you to keep this up. If not, find something that makes you move. Even though I was tall for my age, I was not much of an athlete. I could make shots in basketball, but never had a competitive spirit. I did love the performing arts. So, I was active in dance and music. You might have to look outside of your school to find something active you enjoy, but it is important that you find it to develop movement as a habit.

What do you enjoy doing when you do not have homework? Beyond watching TV or playing video games, how do you spend your time? You are never too young to pick up a hobby. I was always occupied with something on the weekends. From playing Roller Coaster Tycoon or Nancy Drew to recording my voice on cassettes to riding my bike or scooter to sketching Disney characters to recording skits with my siblings…I actually was rarely bored at home. You have a lot more time than you think to do what you love at 13. Do not waste it.

13 is not an easy age. I have some fun memories from middle school, but I also felt excluded and invisible at times. I have my family to thank to balance that with a wholesome home life (even though we had our share of drama too). My biggest takeaway I want to share with 13-year-old me? You never had to hide your star. You did not have to fear what you were naturally great at. There was never anything wrong with you. You were always loved.

What is one thing you would like to tell your 13-year-old self? Do you have siblings or children around this age? What do you enjoy sharing with them?

Wearing: On her – Dress made in Ghana; Michael Kors shoes; Charming Charlie earrings & rings / On him – Burlington shirt and pants; Converse

Photos by my sister Damali

April 7, 2016
Why A Law Student’s Mind Is Precious
“Go to law school, they said. It would be fun, they said.” The amount of memes describing the humor, wisdom, and torture behind law school are hilariously accurate. As my 2L year comes to an end with an eventful final stretch, I am surprised and humbled to look back on how much I have grown. Through it all, my mind has gone through the most challenges and triumphs. For those who are in law school or are thinking of going to law school, I want to share with you why you need to run away as fast as you can. Ha! Kidding. I actually just want to share with you some of my experiences and resources that have helped me the most to get this far.

I will admit that when I was preparing to go to law school and would ask every law student or lawyer about it, I found it increasingly annoying when they would joke that I should stop and switch to something else. I still have yet to crack the code behind how those dreaded logic games on the LSAT feature in any class or job. If you look at the statistics, or people talking about the statistics, lawyers are the most likely to suffer from depression, addiction, and other dark influences out of any other profession. This kind of information was usually repeated to me with the jokes. From what I have seen and experienced thus far, this is no joke. The amount of confusion and disappointment law students go through is the reason why I think the law student’s mind is so precious.

From an academic standpoint, the curriculum is nothing like any other school experience. At first, the adjustment feels very daunting. Essentially, you have to learn how to teach yourself the material to prepare for one exam where you strive to not only get the right answer but a better answer than your classmates. Regardless of how much studying and practicing you do, you never really feel comfortable with your preparation. Thus, thinking about your grade is never fun. Eventually, you create a method that works for you.

From a social standpoint, the environment feels like an obstacle course at times and the magic word is always “networking.” From the second semester of our 1L year to the end, we are obsessing over internships, fellowships, and jobs. Gradually, students start coming to class wearing suits for interviews and part-time internships or jobs. Balancing interviews, mixer events, and stalking alumni…I mean…networking along with your school work can be challenging.

What does a typical day in law school look like, you ask? Well, that depends on your year and status. A full-time first year student spends Monday through Thursday or Friday in class and the school library carrying really heavy casebooks and supplements. As you progress to your second and third year, this time is split among internships or jobs and extracurricular activities. In class, you are not lectured on the subject matter, but instead tested by reciting from the reading assignments. You are basically asked about the readings, which are usually cases and statutes, to analyze how the rules are applied in the cases. During this exercise, you must also be a detective to discover what aspects of the rules and cases the professor is planning to use on the final exam. There are also skills courses, where you learn how to write legal briefs (which are not brief with a minimum of 20 pages), legal memos, contracts, wills, etc. Throughout the week there are a variety of student organization meetings, academic or career workshops, and social activities to attend.

Depending on your personality, the love/hate relationship with this experience can change from day-to-day. This is why the law student’s mind is so precious. It evolves to expand and compartmentalize all the knowledge, strategies, and reality checks it needs to survive.

I will admit that my mind has had a tough time. In spite of working to do everything right, there always seems to be this lingering cloud of inadequacy. It is kind of like in the movies where your mind splits in two voices:

Thing 1. “Ok, I think we got this. Way to go.”

Thing 2. “Ha! No way. That guy over there probably knows it better than you.”

Thing 1. “Well, maybe that job wasn’t for me. It’s ok.”

Thing 2. “Aww, another rejection. I guess no one wants you.”

I am sure this kind of thinking can happen at any school or job or part of your life, but for me this cloud of negativity grew darker while in law school. Add interactions that leave me feeling confused of whether people genuinely want to see me succeed or just interested in what they can take from me….it is not a pleasant mixture. Plus all the horror stories, which are real, of law graduates who cannot find a job and sometimes seem worse off than when they started. So, like any resourceful google-er, I searched for inspiration and encouragement to enhance my J.D. journey:
- The Gen Why Lawyer: A podcast featuring interviews with a variety of lawyers talking about the legal industry, career, and life.
- Law School Toolbox: A blog that provides tips and tutoring to law students.
- Above The Law: A blog about the legal industry beyond cases and adds humor and insight.
- Ms J.D.: A blog and mentoring platform for women in law.
- My Twitter legal list: As I was preparing for law school, I wanted to incorporate my journalist / blogger / social media skills to enhance my experience. So, I keep a list on Twitter for legal news.
Law school is an investment financially, intellectually, and emotionally. The only thing that is guaranteed is what you take out of it. As long as a law student takes care of his/her mind and is open to re-define their image of success, I think it is worth it.

Are you in law school? How has your experience been? What would you add to my list above? If you are thinking of going to law school or work in another challenging profession, how are you taking care of your precious mind?

Wearing: The Limited blouse; T.J.Maxx pants and shoes
March 30, 2016
Why Multi-Racial Identity Is Too Complex For A Check Box

How do you define your identity? Is it determined by your family, neighborhood, or name? Is it influenced by your status, choices, or society? Depending on the person, it could be a combination of any of these. I think the bigger question is whether your identity is something you create or something you accept.

I came across a video by Franchesca about the challenges multi-racial people face. People responded to the question “I am a bi-racial person who…” with reflections on self-hatred, inner racism, and confusion. Some noted the feeling of not fitting in and being disappointed for not being exotic. Later, BuzzFeed produced a similar video where people noted the frustration of being misidentified and encouraged all multi-racial people to understand they do not need to fit in a mold that others think they should.

This discussion on identity comes up from time to time with the same issues and conclusions. I want to take this topic further to share with you, regardless if you are multi-racial or not, how much deeper this special identity is.

I am multi-racial. My family is from Liberia, Switzerland, and Ghana. I am a first-generation American. I grew up in a home where both of my parents are not the same color. Looking at my photo, could you guess any part of that? The “mixed” population includes a variety of shades and textures, but the stereotypical freckles, light eyes, and wavy hair seems to be the focus of everyone’s mixed fetish. I agree with those in the video how frustrating and sometimes exhausting it is to explain my heritage. Being questioned about your existence is never pleasant when people assume your lying. I have gone through phases where I kept my heritage a secret and felt lost in the process. Next, I would decide to be open and share with everyone and felt more isolated.

A word of advice to those who are not multi-racial and are trying to be-friend such a person, your knowledge of or exposure to the world does not define our identity. Intrigue and curiosity is welcomed, but do not isolate us for being unique. There is so much we can learn from each other.

Regarding the challenge to identify with all or one side of your heritage, there are a variety of ways this can be solved. A word of encouragement to my fellow multi-racial stars, you have the gift and opportunity to create your identity. This process is not easy. Believe me, it took years of confusion and disappointment for me to get to this point. Since my features do not announce my white heritage and most people approach and interact with me as a black woman, I never questioned whether or not I was black or white.

I do not fit in with my Swiss side…I mean my siblings and I are literally the black sheep of the family. In fact, my Swiss grandmother made a big sacrifice to follow her heart since part of her family disagreed with her choice to marry a black man. I do not fit in with my Liberian or Ghanaian side of the family for different reasons. Just how the shadow of slavery affects black Americans today, the shadow of colonization affects Ghanaians today. I tried to find my place there, but it was nowhere to be found. The Liberia (which was never colonized) my grandmother and mother loved no longer exists. Finding my place there has yet to be determined. I also do not fit in with the black American category. As I mentioned in a previous post about blacks vs Africans, we should be able to relate, but that is not always the reality. When I respond to the question, “where are you from?” with “I am from nowhere and everywhere,” I am not completely joking.

Thus, my identity continues to evolve. I appreciate all sides of my heritage and upbringing because it gives me more freedom. I am too complex for a check box or elevator pitch. I have a better sense of multiple cultures, which makes it easier to learn about other cultures and people. I have a global perspective on life, which enhances my strength and vision to see beyond the boundaries or limits society places on black women. I have a deeper empathy for suffering. I used to aspire to change the world, now I strive to just make a positive impact on everyone I interact with.

How do you define your identity? Let me know in the comments.

Wearing: The Limited blouse; H&M skirt; Aldo sandals

March 23, 2016
5 Ways To Become Marriage Material

I am willing to admit that I am looking for a husband. So, if you know of any on sale, please let me know. Ha, kidding. No, but really. Ok, moving on. This post is not about glorifying being single. There is nothing glorious about being alone. Instead, I am sharing five ways you can work on yourself to be a better future spouse. Marriage is not only about love, but also friendship and support. You need to bring more to the table than dreams and baggage. That is where this list comes in.

This list is not exhaustive nor is it organized in any particular order:

1. Enhance your home

You can tell a lot about a person in the way they maintain their living space. I am not only talking about how clean it is, but also how it is decorated and organized. What is hanging on the walls? Is there anything on the walls? Are there any walls? Take time to enjoy expressing your personality and taste through home decor. This is not only to show off to others, but also make you feel more comfortable and relaxed at home.

2. Be a host or hostess

Hosting an event is a great way to develop skills in socializing, organizing, and entertaining. Being the go-to person to connect others to new friends and opportunities is also a plus. Be creative with what type of events you want to host. It can be a mixer, workshop, picnic, service, etc. Connect and enhance your community. Build a team and practice being a team player and leader. Learn how to encourage others to have fun.

3. Try new things

Explore your world and expand your mind. When you are learning about something you love, you tend to glow when you are working at it and talking about it. This keeps life interesting. Those who are close to me know that I am always tinkering with a new project or skill. It gives me something to look forward to and an opportunity to interact with more people. Take time to explore your city and pick up new hobbies. Also, be open to share these new experiences with others.

4. Learn how to cook

This goes for your own nourishment as well as your family and friends. Figure out what works for you so that cooking does not feel like a chore. Create your signature dish. When I went vegetarian a few years ago, I decided I was going to make delicious vegetarian meals and vegetable sides my “thing.” I wanted to master healthy meals mixed with my love for spices. I also enjoy decorating the dining table and serving plates. My desire for cooking was not determined by wanting to be an eligible wife, but by my preference to eat good food.

5. Prepare a boss life

Keep your finances in order. Plan for investments. Aspire and acquire a career instead of a job. Volunteer in your community. Exercise and eat well. Take care of your mind, body, and soul. Listen and communicate more. Nurture your family and friends. I like to think of marriage as a partnership to take over the world. Two people decide to be together to enhance their potential individually and collectively. To create a boss life together.

Regardless if you are interested in the traditional, modern, or futuristic idea of marriage, I hope this list helps continue your journey to a lovely life. What else would you add to the list? If you are married, have any of these helped?

Wearing: Nordstrom Rack dress; Aldo shoes

March 17, 2016
Why I Am Done With Empty Conversations

Picture this. You are chilling in a coffee shop, or searching for an ingredient in Aisle 5 of the grocery store, or floating at a mixer event, or having lunch with a new friend. You are open to chatting with anyone around you. You might even initiate the conversation. Then it starts. An interrogation that seems more intrusive than interesting. Questions that do not lead to dialogue but seem more like a checklist.

I have had this experience too many times to count and I am now comfortable to announce that I am officially done with it. I am done tolerating others questioning my existence. I am tired of being made to feel uneasy about alternative motives. As I continue my journey in restoring my vulnerability, I feel like I have made progress in improving my interactions. Not everyone enjoys talking about themselves, but everyone does enjoy talking about what they think. You can learn a lot more about a person by asking for their opinion on something rather than asking why they have an accent. The former is more positive and can branch out to a variety of topics and jokes. The later can block all chances of dialogue depending on the persons response.

Here are some tips on how to contribute to dialogue and direct your interactions to be more fulfilling.

1. Use the news and current events.

When you think about how much is happening around the world, there really is no excuse in not knowing what to talk about. Start with broad and simple things to gauge what the person you are speaking to is interested in. Was there a big game or show this past weekend? Is there a new movie or album that everyone is talking about? Is there a new initiative launching in your local community? Is Congress about to vote on a bill? Did someone famous recently die?

The best way to get someone to feel comfortable talking is to make them feel safe and significant. By starting the conversation with news or current events, neither of you have to commit to a breach of privacy and both of you will appreciate meeting someone who is interested in your opinion.

2. Learn about each others passions.

Everyone’s claim to networking is figuring out what others can do for you. That is all fine, but can sometimes come across as disingenuous. Just for kicks, why don’t you try listening to someone else describe their latest project for the sake of learning about another cool person. I am genuinely interested in hearing about others work and aspirations to see if we have anything in common, how I could contribute, and if we could collaborate. I also know how important it is to surround yourself with like-minded people who support you. The best way to build that tribe is to talk about each others passions.

3. Respect your time.

You have control over how splendid or lame your experiences are. Make a point to never settle for mediocre chatter. Your time and opinions are valuable.

I hope you found these tips helpful. Conversation can be so inspiring and enlightening if used correctly. How do you direct the conversation? Let me know in the comments below.

Wearing: Forever 21 blazer, The Limited blouse, New York & Company jeans, DSW shoes

March 3, 2016
Jazzy Fresh

In this outfit I feel like I am about to perform at a jazz picnic or chill at a cafe. I love the pattern of this skirt plus…it has pockets!

Wearing: Forever 21 sweater, Vintage belt, Thrifted skirt

February 25, 2016