We have grown to see vulnerability as a weakness. It makes us cry. It makes us doubt our worth. It embellishes past hurt.
We see strength in facing our fears. Push beyond our doubts even if we are limping. Sacrifice in spite of the pain.
I did that. I’ve been doing that. As I continued to limp up that mountain of disappointment, the clouds grew thicker and the walls around my heart grew taller. I was not carrying baggage. Life is too short to hold grudges. But you cannot ignore scars that refuse to heal.
Thus, my inner ninja successfully keeps everyone at a safe distance. The walls around my heart turn into steel and the sparkle of laughter behind my eyes fade. I feel tired all the time. What is the point? A question that lurks in every corner of my mind.
What’s the point of striving with no recognition?
What’s the point of dreaming with so many people suffering?
What’s the point of giving with no reciprocation?
What’s the point of feeling with so little meaning?
I have grown to see vulnerability as healing. It will take time to dismantle the barrier I built and it is a constant inner-battle to keep the clouds away. Being vulnerable does not only pertain to emotions. I want to restore being open to the people, experiences, and good that I have earned. That mountain of disappointments I referred to earlier could be a simple hiccup depending on your perspective. I have the power to choose that perspective.
There is a lot of literature, songs, programs, etc about being happy. It is a pretty lucrative business. Why do you think that is the case? We are all searching for answers we believe we don’t have. Yes, I know I am the only one responsible for my happiness…but I also need a downloadable worksheet, an Instagram challenge to follow, and a periscope series to tune in. Sound familiar? We do not give ourselves enough credit. We are too preoccupied ignoring the answers within.
I want to restore my vulnerability to enhance my existence. For the past two weeks I have consciously altered my daily routine and habits to continue this process and I can already feel the difference. It is not perfect, but I do feel better. Here is what I am doing:
- Set my intentions in the morning: I have been doing this for a while, but now I am really concentrating to clear and cleanse my mind. I am more specific with what I want and what I am giving thanks for.
- Focus on the good in others: We all find certain things irritating and have our list of pet peeves. Don’t let that blur your vision. Different people are put in our lives for different reasons. Most of the time it is for us to learn a lesson to challenge or enhance our lives.
- Share your gifts: This also makes me feel vulnerable. My gifts are a part of me, so sharing them is special. Once it is out there, it leave you open to all reactions positive and negative. I have had my fair share of discouraging remarks in response to my gifts and at times it made me hide them. Your gifts include your work, personality, skills, and presence. You cannot fulfill your purpose if you do not share your gifts. Focus on the positive impact your gifts make on others.
There are also a number of bloggers and writers I turn to for encouragement and inspiration with this process. Regardless of what stage I am going through, they always have something that resonates exactly with what I am feeling.
Tyece Wilkins – Her posts are witty and insightful that encourage you to be unapologetically authentic.
GG Renee – Her posts and newsletter explores the many layers of being a soulful woman and make you think and reflect on what you can do better.
Jen Carrington – Her weekly newsletter as a creative mentor are motivating and insightful.
Amber Janae – Her posts reflect on self-love and life balance with practical experiences and encouragement.
I hope you found this helpful. It was not easy writing this, but I feel better knowing that what I am doing is working and that this might help someone feeling the same way. What are you doing to restore your vulnerability? Let me know in the comments below.