Tag: Relationships

Why I Am Thinking About Will Smith + Life Choices

I am thinking about life choices and attachments. Yes, part of this is inspired by the recent chatter about Will Smith, Jada, and Entanglements. In this video, I discuss my perspective on how Will Smith, as a character and career, is a great case study to reflect on how to maneuver life choices for success. In particular, how attachments can make or break your success.

Like I mentioned in the video, I have a few questions that I have yet to find the answer to. How do attachments make or break my success? Looking at what I find inspiring about Will Smith, work ethic and discipline means everything. A lot of that is a solo mission. No one can do the work for me. So, how does that translate to attachments? Maybe that becomes easier as I gain clarity on my value and purpose. The balance of making connections to exchange value can be slippery if you look at it as solely a transaction. Maybe not everyone is my real “friend,” but I do care about the people I connect with.

So, I focus more on what I give and experience. I check if I am coming from a space of clarity, generosity, and accountability. I pay attention to whether I feel drained, neutral, or rejuvenated while interacting with someone. I observe how receptive we both are regarding each others priorities. This all sounds good in theory, but it can get confusing in reality. Life and time can change people. Or, maybe, life and time allows people to reveal their true colors.

Regarding family, how do I effectively build a legacy? It seems like there are two parts to it. First, build it. Second, raise children in a way that aligns them to take what I built to the next level. Or, alternatively, it could be to first, build it and a team, and second, manage that team to take what was built to the next level. Or, it could be a combination of both. My question is, are you working on both parts simultaneously? While I am building, should I be thinking of how my future child or future team will make this better? Or does that come later? I want to develop and establish generational wealth. If later my future children or future team decide to go in a different direction, does that make my work a failure? Or is it still a success because the generational wealth enabled them to go in that direction?

This is why I find Will Smith’s career and insight motivational. He has built and obtained success while being transparent about chasing perfection. This is important to me because perfection is what I have tried to obtain for the majority of my life, which has left me feeling a bit empty. I now feel that great quality work and results is more fulfilling than the persona of perfection. When it comes to entanglements, this recent gossip-turned-news illustrates that marriage is not perfect (even though I still feel this story and explanation is none of our business). I am not sure yet if that really is relationships in general, or the individuals who choose to be in the relationship.

What do you think? Let me know in the comments below.

Also, feel free to connect with me on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook. I love hearing from you.

July 18, 2020
Books I Have Read So Far in 2020

Half of the year 2020 is now complete. Can you believe it? I don’t really know what or how to feel. A good thing about this period of time is taking note of the things we claimed we did not have time for before. I have read 9 books so far in 2020. In this video, I discuss those books and share my take on what I loved and what I could do without. From Hip Hop culture, to relationships, to Afrofuturism, overall I really enjoyed these books.

Children of Virtue and Vengeance by Tomi Adeyemi. I loved the alternative world the author created for this story. I also was fascinated by how she described the interactions between the tribes. The theme of power was strong throughout the story. I liked how the source of that power determined the results or destiny of certain tribes. For example, the story focuses on two tribes. One finds their source of power through nature. Everything they do is a balance of give and take with nature. The other finds their source of power through conquest. Everything they do is pushed by taking and conquering. It is fascinating to observe them interact and learn from each other.

This was also the first book I read with the book club Ghana Must Read. I really enjoyed discussing the book with them. Back then, we met in person. Now, the sessions are hosted on Zoom with the author of the books. So cool! If you are in Ghana looking for a group to read with, check them out.

3 Kings: Diddy, Dr. Dre, Jay-Z, and Hip-Hop’s Multi billion Dollar Rise by Zack O’Malley Greensburg. I enjoyed the history and personalities in this book. It was fascinating and inspiring to read through the timeline of how each of them maneuvered their realities and caught the wave as part of Hip Hop became a capitalism machine. The book also gives some good advice on business strategies.

The Wait: A Powerful Practice for Finding the Love of Your Life and the Life You Love by DeVon Franklin and Meagan Good. I feel this book had helpful tips on determining why you make certain commitments to yourself and how to differentiate who is on your team. The overall message does focus on waiting to have sex until marriage. The examples and experiences they share can also resonate on life commitments that are or are not focused on physical intimacy. It also made me think about how certain personalities deal with self-hate. Like I asked in the video: for those of you who identify as men or lean more into your masculine energy, what do you do to manage disappointments and hurt feelings? Do you move on? Do you take yourself out of the race? For those of you who identify as women or lean more into your feminine energy, what do you do to manage disappointments and hurt feelings? Do you punish yourself? Do you move on? Comment below and let me know!

Parable of the Talents by Octavia E. Butler. This book was interesting and creepy. Almost prophetic actually. Even though it was written in 1998, it details a story that sounds very similar to what the world is going through right now. I was encouraged by how the main character maintained her tenacity to create and cultivate a like-minded community in a world where everything has been destroyed. There was a lot of symbolism around human nature and perceived hierarchy in society. This was my first Butler read.

The Game of Desire: 5 Surprising Secrets to Dating with Dominance and Getting What You Want by Shannon Boodram. This book has a lot of great advice in understanding how to define your expectations. I found it really helpful to better differentiate if the people you interact with have priorities that are truly aligned with yours. It was also fascinating to see how the different personalities maneuvered the challenges and lessons. I found it encouraging. I also recommend you check out Shannon’s content. I have been following her for about 6 or 7 years. It is not easy finding information about relationships and sex that is actually helpful and empowering. She knows her stuff.

How Long ‘Till Black Future Month by N. K. Jemisin. This book was one of my favorites! It was such a wealth of creativity and talent. I really love the way this author combines history, culture, and fantasy. This was a collection of short stories. Each one was filled with so much detail and mystery, I really wanted to read the full story of each. I already have another one of her books on my book list for the second half of this year.

Year One by Nora Roberts. This book was also interesting and creepy. The story sounds very similar to what the world is going through now with a mysterious virus and the after effects of a new normal. Overall, it was a good read and I am looking forward to finding out what happens at the end of the series.

Who Fears Death by Nnedi Okorafor. The Book of Phoenix by Nnedi Okorafor. This was such a beautiful and exciting story. The way this author writes made me feel like I was listening to a real African griot. The overall story in this series is about the harm tradition can cause and the journey the chosen few must go through to save their people from themselves. I also loved the description of the dessert and the tribes. It paints an interesting future fantasy for Africa. I am also looking forward to reading more of her work the second half of this year.

Well, those were all the books I read this year so far. Would you read any of these? I am also looking for new books to read for the second half of the year. Do you have any book suggestions? Comment below and let me know.

Also, feel free to connect with me on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook. I love hearing from you.

July 11, 2020
5 Ways To Become Marriage Material

I am willing to admit that I am looking for a husband. So, if you know of any on sale, please let me know. Ha, kidding. No, but really. Ok, moving on. This post is not about glorifying being single. There is nothing glorious about being alone. Instead, I am sharing five ways you can work on yourself to be a better future spouse. Marriage is not only about love, but also friendship and support. You need to bring more to the table than dreams and baggage. That is where this list comes in.

This list is not exhaustive nor is it organized in any particular order:

1. Enhance your home

You can tell a lot about a person in the way they maintain their living space. I am not only talking about how clean it is, but also how it is decorated and organized. What is hanging on the walls? Is there anything on the walls? Are there any walls? Take time to enjoy expressing your personality and taste through home decor. This is not only to show off to others, but also make you feel more comfortable and relaxed at home.

2. Be a host or hostess

Hosting an event is a great way to develop skills in socializing, organizing, and entertaining. Being the go-to person to connect others to new friends and opportunities is also a plus. Be creative with what type of events you want to host. It can be a mixer, workshop, picnic, service, etc. Connect and enhance your community. Build a team and practice being a team player and leader. Learn how to encourage others to have fun.

3. Try new things

Explore your world and expand your mind. When you are learning about something you love, you tend to glow when you are working at it and talking about it. This keeps life interesting. Those who are close to me know that I am always tinkering with a new project or skill. It gives me something to look forward to and an opportunity to interact with more people. Take time to explore your city and pick up new hobbies. Also, be open to share these new experiences with others.

4. Learn how to cook

This goes for your own nourishment as well as your family and friends. Figure out what works for you so that cooking does not feel like a chore. Create your signature dish. When I went vegetarian a few years ago, I decided I was going to make delicious vegetarian meals and vegetable sides my “thing.” I wanted to master healthy meals mixed with my love for spices. I also enjoy decorating the dining table and serving plates. My desire for cooking was not determined by wanting to be an eligible wife, but by my preference to eat good food.

5. Prepare a boss life

Keep your finances in order. Plan for investments. Aspire and acquire a career instead of a job. Volunteer in your community. Exercise and eat well. Take care of your mind, body, and soul. Listen and communicate more. Nurture your family and friends. I like to think of marriage as a partnership to take over the world. Two people decide to be together to enhance their potential individually and collectively. To create a boss life together.

Regardless if you are interested in the traditional, modern, or futuristic idea of marriage, I hope this list helps continue your journey to a lovely life. What else would you add to the list? If you are married, have any of these helped?

Wearing: Nordstrom Rack dress; Aldo shoes

March 17, 2016