Tag: Book Review

Books I Have Read So Far in 2020

Half of the year 2020 is now complete. Can you believe it? I don’t really know what or how to feel. A good thing about this period of time is taking note of the things we claimed we did not have time for before. I have read 9 books so far in 2020. In this video, I discuss those books and share my take on what I loved and what I could do without. From Hip Hop culture, to relationships, to Afrofuturism, overall I really enjoyed these books.

Children of Virtue and Vengeance by Tomi Adeyemi. I loved the alternative world the author created for this story. I also was fascinated by how she described the interactions between the tribes. The theme of power was strong throughout the story. I liked how the source of that power determined the results or destiny of certain tribes. For example, the story focuses on two tribes. One finds their source of power through nature. Everything they do is a balance of give and take with nature. The other finds their source of power through conquest. Everything they do is pushed by taking and conquering. It is fascinating to observe them interact and learn from each other.

This was also the first book I read with the book club Ghana Must Read. I really enjoyed discussing the book with them. Back then, we met in person. Now, the sessions are hosted on Zoom with the author of the books. So cool! If you are in Ghana looking for a group to read with, check them out.

3 Kings: Diddy, Dr. Dre, Jay-Z, and Hip-Hop’s Multi billion Dollar Rise by Zack O’Malley Greensburg. I enjoyed the history and personalities in this book. It was fascinating and inspiring to read through the timeline of how each of them maneuvered their realities and caught the wave as part of Hip Hop became a capitalism machine. The book also gives some good advice on business strategies.

The Wait: A Powerful Practice for Finding the Love of Your Life and the Life You Love by DeVon Franklin and Meagan Good. I feel this book had helpful tips on determining why you make certain commitments to yourself and how to differentiate who is on your team. The overall message does focus on waiting to have sex until marriage. The examples and experiences they share can also resonate on life commitments that are or are not focused on physical intimacy. It also made me think about how certain personalities deal with self-hate. Like I asked in the video: for those of you who identify as men or lean more into your masculine energy, what do you do to manage disappointments and hurt feelings? Do you move on? Do you take yourself out of the race? For those of you who identify as women or lean more into your feminine energy, what do you do to manage disappointments and hurt feelings? Do you punish yourself? Do you move on? Comment below and let me know!

Parable of the Talents by Octavia E. Butler. This book was interesting and creepy. Almost prophetic actually. Even though it was written in 1998, it details a story that sounds very similar to what the world is going through right now. I was encouraged by how the main character maintained her tenacity to create and cultivate a like-minded community in a world where everything has been destroyed. There was a lot of symbolism around human nature and perceived hierarchy in society. This was my first Butler read.

The Game of Desire: 5 Surprising Secrets to Dating with Dominance and Getting What You Want by Shannon Boodram. This book has a lot of great advice in understanding how to define your expectations. I found it really helpful to better differentiate if the people you interact with have priorities that are truly aligned with yours. It was also fascinating to see how the different personalities maneuvered the challenges and lessons. I found it encouraging. I also recommend you check out Shannon’s content. I have been following her for about 6 or 7 years. It is not easy finding information about relationships and sex that is actually helpful and empowering. She knows her stuff.

How Long ‘Till Black Future Month by N. K. Jemisin. This book was one of my favorites! It was such a wealth of creativity and talent. I really love the way this author combines history, culture, and fantasy. This was a collection of short stories. Each one was filled with so much detail and mystery, I really wanted to read the full story of each. I already have another one of her books on my book list for the second half of this year.

Year One by Nora Roberts. This book was also interesting and creepy. The story sounds very similar to what the world is going through now with a mysterious virus and the after effects of a new normal. Overall, it was a good read and I am looking forward to finding out what happens at the end of the series.

Who Fears Death by Nnedi Okorafor. The Book of Phoenix by Nnedi Okorafor. This was such a beautiful and exciting story. The way this author writes made me feel like I was listening to a real African griot. The overall story in this series is about the harm tradition can cause and the journey the chosen few must go through to save their people from themselves. I also loved the description of the dessert and the tribes. It paints an interesting future fantasy for Africa. I am also looking forward to reading more of her work the second half of this year.

Well, those were all the books I read this year so far. Would you read any of these? I am also looking for new books to read for the second half of the year. Do you have any book suggestions? Comment below and let me know.

Also, feel free to connect with me on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook. I love hearing from you.

July 11, 2020
It’s Just A Date

I am not one to purchase or glance at dating novels. With the reviews and discussions I have read and heard in the media, it seemed like a trendy case study…since there is nothing else significant about “Millennials.” However, when I received “It’s Just A F***ing Date” by Greg Behrendt and Amiira Ruotola as a casual gift, I decided…just for kicks…to open the book. I must admit, this is a funny book.

With a fun and light-hearted tone, Greg and Amiira provide a straight-to-the-point guide to help you become a winner-dater and learn how to seize-the-date. Without going into too much detail about my love life – granted if it was scandalous, TMZ would have already provided all the photos and footage for you – I have experienced a few of the scenarios that are mentioned in the book, from agreeing to “hang out,” to reading too much into someone’s potential, to just shutting people out. The nice thing about this book is that they do not bash anyone. No gender is written as the villain and you do not have to change who you are to get a date.

Here is a summary of their tips. Regardless if you collect these kinds of books, I recommend you treat yourself to a good laugh.

Principles for Winner Dating

1. Like Yourself and Know You’re Worthy

You need to be your own cheerleader, rock star, and self-esteem guru. Being happy all the time is hard work…and you definitely should not pretend if you actually are not happy…but carrying around negative vibes is not attractive. Our self-esteem gets bruised quite a bit as we grow up. This book has a wonderful exercise to get back that child-like self-image you once had: ask yourself “when was the best period of your life?” and then figure out what changed and what are you going to do to get that feeling back.

2. Get a Life, Have a Life

Being genuinely busy with things you enjoy is attractive. It adds to the challenge of pursuing you and earning your time and affection. Greg and Amiira warn you to not drop everything you used to do to be more available, because it will probably make your date run away. Your presence can transform from valuable to burdensome. If you do not have much a life now, start developing some hobbies and little adventures. It will not only make you more interesting, but also add to the conversation.

3. Pretty Is As Pretty Does

This tip is primarily speaking to women in emphasizing the fact that men are visual, so what you look like counts. You do not need to resemble a supermodel, but it should be obvious that you make an effort with your appearance, your home, your work desk, and your life in general. This is not only appealing to the eye, but proves you would be willing to make an effort in a relationship.

4. Don’t Accept Less Than An Actual Date

This goes along with the infamous confusion between “date” and “hang out / quasi date / hooking up / tagging along / etc”. This is a big one. There are so many blogs that focus solely on how to interpret the grey areas we create for ourselves. Basically, if you prefer to avoid this confusion, you need to insist that he or she asks you on a date.

5. Don’t Freak People Out With Your Need

This is a tricky tip. You need to restrain the excitement of future possibilities after a successful date. Do not start a wedding Pinterest board just because he called the day after. Do not seek reassurance of their feelings for you in every form of communication.

6. Doormats Finish Last And End Up In The Dirt

This discussion between standards and deal breakers is really relevant. Standards are things you uphold to adhere to your values, deal breakers are things that can keep you from finding love. Quote from p.112 “Your whole life goes better when you live by a set of standards, because they teach people how to treat you.”

7. Don’t Show The Movie Before The Trailer

Intimacy. (I prefer that word because it sounds more meaningful, rather then sex, which is used so loosely.) Rushing into it does not always result in something memorable. Instead, savor the first butterflies in your stomach, first hug, first kiss, and then the first time.

8. Not Every Date Is Going To Turn Into A Relationship

Accept the fact that you will not always be in sync with the person you are dating. Some people catch feelings quicker then others. Just remember to take your time, be the real you, and be in the moment.

Principles for Seizing The Date

1. There Is No One Place To Meet Guys (or people you want to go out on a date with)

Develop a habit to spend time in places where you are your best self. Your hobbies are a great place to start. The philosophy behind this is that when you are occupied with what you enjoy, you are beaming with positive vibes and happiness…which is attractive. In return, people who are potential dates will be drawn to you.

2. The Power of Suggestion

Give the right signals to get asked on a date. This can vary from being confidently forward and politely shy, whichever works for you. This includes how you look, making eye contact, flirting, body language, and what to say. For example, “Besides asking me out, what are you up to this weekend?”

3. It’s Just a F***ing First Date

A list of do’s and don’ts, which depends on what you find important on a date. Do…be on time, flirt, eat an actual meal, compliment him on his choice of restaurant, shirt, or good sense in asking you out, let him know you had a great time. Don’t…drink too much, talk about your ex, ask inappropriate questions (like..how much money do you make?), go back to their place, have sex.

4. First Date Follow-Up

Here they have a chart explaining how to interpret the time it takes for your date to call or text you after your first date. I am not sure how one measures this. Basically, you should give your date some space to think about you and the possibility of a relationship; you should also consider it a booty call if he disappears a week afterwards.

5. 2nd Date and Beyond

A list of acceptable places to have a 2nd date, including movie, dinner, concert, art museum, and what not to do…lunch or breakfast is apparently a downgrade.

6. Sexclusivity

Again, appreciate intimacy…exclusively. You do not need to set a certain number of days, but try to get to know each other more first. They also suggest Date #10 should be the scheduled big event.

February 16, 2014