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Author: Dagny Zenovia
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Lean On Your Own Terms
We have two months left in 2015. Let that sink in for a moment. Crazy, right? I am not here to chastise you over whether or not you checked off all of your new years resolutions or Fall goals or October challenges. Rather, I want us to enhance our attitude towards obtaining and managing success. This is about you, what you want, and how you can go about getting it.
Every summer I collect a number of books, based on my mood, to read. Last summer, as I was preparing to attend law school, I gathered a number of books for self-development. I am not sure if that shows how confident or terrified I was about my life at that time, but I did enjoy reading them nonetheless. I want to share with you three books from that summer and hope what resonated with me might motivate you.
Live Life On Your Terms
The Path Redefined: Getting To The Top On Your Terms by Lauren Malian Bias is an insightful book that portrays one story in modern-day success. Bias shares her personal journey as an entrepreneur in three different fields plus tips and reflections from other successful people. Now, her life story is not similar to mine. I did not have a lemonade stand as a child and I do not come from a business family. Yet, her impressions from what she learned from her experiences resonated with me.
“Always work on improving yourself. Only look to yourself for motivation. Find the connections in your journey, bring them to life in your story, and get comfortable with articulating the evolution of you.”
Seeking constant evolution is just as important as feeling content with showing where you started from and how you have progressed. I have an idea journal. Anytime I have a spark of inspiration, a snippet of a vision, or need to elaborate on why I am worrying, I write in my idea journal. Of course, entries vary from day after day to a few months in between. I actually have been using the same journal for three years since I have yet to complete it. Sometimes, I like to flip back and read over my ideas, goals, and concerns. I find this a bit therapeutic. I can see how long it took to achieve certain goals, what influenced certain projects, and how I repeatedly overcame self-doubt. When we are in the moment, it is hard to see further then what is happening in front of you. The past hurt or joy can be faded or highlighted and future distress or happiness can be faded or highlighted depending on the situation. Keeping a journal, whether it is daily or dedicated to certain thoughts like mine, can really help keep your life in perspective and clarify your priorities.
“It doesn’t matter why the door opens. If it opens, don’t hesitate to walk through it.”
How many times have you come across an opportunity that approached you in a way you had not anticipated and, instead of jumping right in, you paused, second guessed yourself, or talked yourself out of believing what had happened? Since we are all family here, I will admit that I am raising both of my hands. For the longest time, I always felt like I was not ready. I don’t have the skills yet. I don’t have the experience yet. I have not met the right people yet. I am not in the right place yet. It was like everything had to be aligned, from my life to my career to the stars and the planets, in order for me to feel confident in jumping on an opportunity. Do you know where that left me? Disappointed. I blamed myself, but for the wrong reasons. To get out of that funk, you need to admit how much of a boss you are. Have you thought about all the things you do on a daily basis on your own? You are brilliant. Waiting for permission only leads to missed opportunities. You have the authority. Use it.
“Evaluate and define what impact you want to have on the world and on the lives of others.”
Similar to what I said in a previous post, I think it is important to aspire to contribute to something bigger than yourself. Do not wait until after you make it big, or earn a certain income, or move to a certain neighborhood to make an impact. You can influence others now. Your legacy starts now, actually it started yesterday. What are you leaving behind and pushing forward for others to utilize and be inspired by?
Speak Up For You
Lean In: Women, Work, and The Will To Lead by Sheryl Sandberg received a lot of publicity when it came out. I know some people praised it and others criticized it. I found it insightful and revealing. I think the key to reading books like this is to keep your eye on the bigger picture. I recall critiques complaining about how her lifestyle determined her success and there was no way “regular” people could achieve that. I think you are missing the point if you view books like this in that way. Your story is the most authentic medium through which to share advice, support, and opinion. Just like how I am sharing little anecdotes from my life in this post and previous articles, I know your lifestyle might not be exactly like mine, but I hope you will find bits here and there that you can interpret and adapt to fit what you need. I would like to think this is what best-selling authors are doing as well.
“Every so often, Clara would contact me, always with an interesting point or a thoughtful question. She never asked to get together to “catch up.” She never asked a question that she could have found the answer to on her own.”
Mentorship is an interesting concept. Like I have stated previously, I have not had much luck with the traditional concept of having many mentors to influence my journey. However, I agree that mentoring opportunities come in a variety of people and textures and both parties need to make an effort for it to work. I agree with Sandberg’s notion that as someone who is looking for professional guidance, you need to have something to bring to the table. I have found the most meaningful conversations pertaining to my career have occurred when I was over prepared for the meeting, the person recognized my talent, and we agreed to honestly assess what I needed to do to get what I wanted. Beyond a handshake and a gesture of thanks, the other person might not be expecting anything else. However, I know in the future I will have an opportunity to return the favor and plan to. Bottom line, do not waste your time and other people’s time. Be clear on what you are looking for before you demand someone to be your mentor.
“Talking can transform minds, which can transform behaviors, which can transform institutions.”
Speaking out on issues that concern you has become risky business. The balance between being politically correct and telling it like it is in an era where information is so easily accessible is tricky. I think standing up for what you believe in will always take courage, but we now need to be more smart about it. Your voice can ignite change, but it should also be backed up with facts, experience, and sometimes money. It is easy to share a hashtag or like a video, but what are you doing to enlighten your peers around you?
Put Yourself Out There
Show Your Work by Austin Kleon is a fun-size comical book that gives tips and advice about sharing your work effectively. Since it is geared towards creatives, the way it is illustrated adds to the overall message of encouraging you to put your work on display. The serious and insightful content juxtaposed with the cartoons and quotes is also entertaining and enlightening.
“Build a good domain name, keep it clean, and eventually it will be its own currency. Whether people show up or they don’t, you’re out there, doing your thing, ready whenever they are”
I had to highlight this phrase in the book when I read it the first time. This pretty much sums up the reasoning behind my online presence, creative projects, and ultimate career goals. Being encouraged to “just do you” is easier said than done. It can feel like everything you want is taking forever to happen. Then you fall victim to comparing yourself to others who from the outside seem to be doing what you can do and are being better recognized for it. Some people like to consider this a training phase. I think that mentality still leaves room for disappointment. Instead, I like to think of my time spent working at what I enjoy and what I need to get done as being proactive with my life. Focusing on strategically placing yourself in an angle to be recognized and hired can diminish the passion you initially had for your work. Instead, focus on sharpening your craft, informing your opinions, and refreshing your vision. Don’t wait for permission to shine.
“Learn to talk about yourself. Build and connect to a community that supports, critiques, and loves you”
For me, this ties in with the previous quote. I have always felt uncomfortable about talking about myself. I am not shy, but my suspicion radar is usually on high alert. One way I combat the urge to close up is through blogging. Not only through writing and photography, but also engaging with social media and attending events. I have always felt that my essence and my work are too complex and over qualified for a 20 second elevator pitch or one page resume. However, not telling anyone about yourself does not help you or your work to continue evolving. Instead of feeling like an unsuccessful salesmen when people ask “what do you do?”, I feel more confident explaining my array of talents while describing my blog or a project or an internship. It sounds more tangible and gives the person you are speaking with something to indulge in later if they choose to. I think this also helps build your tribe because you are creating a track record of your interests, views, and skills that others can relate to.
Leaning on your own terms is a life course. I hope you find these tips a helpful starting point.
What do you use to keep your priorities in check? What are you doing to succeed on your terms?
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Perks Of Not Being A Mainstream Beauty
We like to blame the media for pretty much everything. Politics are out of whack. It’s the media! Kids are bringing guns to school. It’s the media! Everyone has low self-esteem. It’s the media! It is easy to blame something that cannot answer back and is so vast that there is no all-encompassing way to really track its influence. I will probably write about the other issues I mentioned in later posts, but here I want to focus on self-image and self-love.
What is mainstream beauty? Tall, skinny, and pale? Blue or green eyes? Exotic and tan? I guess it depends on where you are from to answer that question. Just like those photo experiments where a girl sent her picture to several photographers around the world to edit to fit the beauty standards of their country – the answer varies. We also can note that there has been attempts to include the “non-conventional” model in fashion shows, commercials, and movies. However, for the most part, the image of mainstream beauty is not me.
This is not a pity party. There are some advantages in not being the target audience of every beauty product, romantic comedy, award ceremony, and popularity contest. Growing up I was allowed to be a care free girl for as long as I needed to be. I looked up to Grace from Amazing Grace by Mary Hoffman and shared her adventures and wonders. I was also tall and lanky, had my hair styled in corn rows or braids with colorful bubbles, and had a big imagination.
I looked up to Nzingha from The Royal Diaries by Patricia McKissack and believed that I too was a warrior princess ready to save all of Africa. I looked up to Hermione from Harry Potter by J.K. Rowling and felt encouraged to continue striving to have good grades. Even if the teacher did not want to acknowledge my worth, just like Hermione, I was learning for me and not for anyone else.
I looked up to Dagny Taggart from Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand, whom I am named after, and felt empowered in my transition to becoming a young lady with a boss plan. Now, I did not only read when I was a child. I also played with Barbies, but I also played Nintendo, created fake mad-scientist experiments in the kitchen, and enjoyed pretending the grass outside was larva while climbing the swing set.
Source: Kait Wraith via Deviant Art
These are the characters, along with my parents, who helped me develop my sense of self-love and respect. I was so involved and happy with my little world of positivity as a child that I do not remember noticing the lack of images that looked like me on TV or in magazines. My imagination was not warped. I did not wonder why my eyes were not purple like my Barbie. I really did not compare myself to what I saw in magazines or online until College, and even then, it was more about emphasizing what I want to be known for and how I want to portray my essence.
I am grateful for my self-love journey. I still have some glitches to work on, but I think I am heading in the right direction. Sometimes I feel concerned about what is portrayed online and wonder if it really affects people like “experts” criticize. In case you are working on uncovering your beauty or are unsure of your radiance, here is some guidance:
1. Visualize and Articulate your Identity
Who are you? Who do you want to be? If your name was listed in a dictionary, what would the definition say? I am not only talking about how you want others to see you, but more for how you feel about yourself. You should feel proud of yourself. Your presence is a gift to anyone who has the privilege to experience it.
2. Appreciate your Jewels and Scars
We all have experiences we love to share and prefer to hide. You need to appreciate both your assets and your flaws. Once you own both sides of your essence, you will feel a boost of inner strength in knowing no one can shame or phase you by bringing up your past or chastising your future. You have to find peace with yourself before you can expect to move beyond grudges and hurt feelings.
3. Only Compete With Who You Were Yesterday
This ties in the two tips above plus push it further. I think one of the reasons why my persona presents a calm confidence is because I do not focus on competing with others. I genuinely celebrate others achievements, but I keep my game plan separate. It is easier said then done, but with persistence and determination you will find clarity in almost everything you do. Less time will be spent questioning your dreams and other people’s intentions.
Now, I know these tips sound more like meditation guidelines, but stick with me here. Uncovering your beauty is not only about finding the right shade of lipstick, style of clothes, exercise routine, and diet habits. It is also about nurturing your mind and soul. It is about achieving a balance of contentment with how you have progressed and where you are heading. I really feel this is the way to allow your inner radiance to shine.
What are you doing to uncover your beauty? How can we as a community help each other feel comfortable with our unique radiance?
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The Root and Black Excellence in Houston: Young, Fabulous and Female Event Recap
Aspiring to achieve success comes with an interesting tool box. The majority of your journey includes filtering through what you can work with and what you need to let go. One of the essential tools to success is connecting with the right people. This past Thursday, I had the pleasure of attending The Root’s Young, Fabulous & Female event, sponsored by Toyota, at the House of Deréon Media Center. The theme was “Getting Across the Line” asking how black women cross that line to achievement and success, how we bring others with us, and what obstacles are in our path. The panel discussion included a number of gems, positive energy, and motivation. Now, let’s get into my recap of the event and suggestions to improve the discussion.
(L-R) My new friends! Shimeka, fashion designer, and Mickayla, non-profit director & radio promoter The panel included Joy Sewing, fashion and beauty editor for the Houston Chronicle, Dr. Camille Cash, plastic surgeon in Houston, Denise Hamilton, CEO and founder of WatchHerWork.com and co-founder of JONES Magazine, Tera Roberson, Special Projects Producer for Houston’s NBC affiliate KPRC, and Suzette Turner-Caldwell, former engineer and current associate pastor for Windsor Village United Methodist Church. Devi Dev, music director for 93.7 The Beat and TV pop culture correspondent for CBS affiliate KHOU11, moderated the panel. First, I think Donna Byrd and her The Root team did an excellent job gathering local brilliant women to enhance this discussion with diverse experiences and views.
One of the big topics that was touched on a number of times was the struggle with obtaining opportunities. I loved how Denise set the tone by saying “it’s more about us opting out then us being kept out.” The analogy she gave is one that I think all of us can relate to – a job application lists requirements A, B, C, D. A woman would read that application and tell herself “I can do A, B, C, D, E, and F, but I don’t know…let me call my Mom and talk about it…maybe call my best friend…maybe I’m not qualified. A man would read that application and tell himself “I can do C…I can do that job. Submit.” Regardless if you fit this scenario or not, I think we all have been guilty of doubting ourselves. I have been diligently working on myself to recognize how my talents can apply to any job and switch my mindset to view my skills as abundant rather than lacking.
With Devi Dev, 93.7 The Beat Speaking about mindset, getting cross the line to opportunity also involves checking your attitude towards your worth. Tera shared her life motto – “Live your own. Have your own. Be your own.” In some circumstances it is easier said than done, but it is so important to stay true to yourself while aspiring and achieving success. The challenges, competition, and disappointments will make you question what you stand for and why you are working so hard. Don’t let that make you forget who you are. This is why I loved when Devi said “find beauty in your struggle.” So much growth happens during personal struggle. When I look back at where I was 5 years ago compared to what I am doing now, I am humbled. I still have a lot of work and ground to cover, but I can see the progress and I can note what I gained from every challenge I pushed through.
With Donna Byrd, publisher of The Root There was also a lot of wisdom shared about what excellence should look like. Sharing advice on how to focus your life and career, Suzette said, “Be prepared. Be very good at what you do. Be humble.” She also added that to be confident in yourself, you should always be prepared. I totally agree with that sentiment. Have you noticed a pattern among most success stories that opportunities do not usually appear as planned? That is why you always have to be ready to do your best because you never know who or what will open the next door for you. Excellence also involves constant change. I could totally relate to Devi when she said, “never get comfortable. Look for constant evolution.” This does not mean you should be selfish in always being unsatisfied, but you should always try to do better. I am constantly seeking knowledge and inspiration to expand and enhance my passions and my purpose. Constant evolution in yourself can include reading a book a day to mastering meditation to joining a community group to contributing to a new cause. It all depends on what you need and how you define your journey.
With Denise Hamilton, watchherwork.com and JONES magazine Having an accomplished journalist on the panel was also a plus for me because she spoke to part of my niche. Joy shared how she visualized and spoke her dream of being a journalist into existence even at a time when the industry did not seem promising. “It’s not just about working hard,I love being a journalist,” said Joy. “If you want to do it, and it’s not about the money, then a way will be made for you.” She also noted the deeper reality black women face in having a successful career – “there is a part of you that you have to quiet to conform to what you’re working with.” There were a lot of head nods and finger snaps for that statement. Being a professional black woman is a challenging balancing act. Even though we encourage ourselves and each other to stay true to who we are, we still have to withhold some of our brilliance in certain settings but also be bold and step up in certain circumstances.
This point leads to my next overall comment on this event. I know the discussion was supposed to be 2 hours, and they did well to stick to that timeframe, but I would have loved for the conversation to continue for 4 hours. With more time, I think the panel could have taken this topic further and answered more questions. It is great to encourage attendees to clarify their goals and plan for their future, but if time permitted I think it would have been equally important to mention how to achieve this in an environment that seems to set us up for failure. Similar to what Denise touched on, “women are the keepers of culture and we need to start owning that.” I think owning that does not only include being great at what you do but also being great at taking care of yourself. We are in a troubling time now. The culture we have carried and supported throughout history is under attack. We cannot go by one day without reading, hearing, or seeing a story about our people being murdered, arrested, or suffering. I know this topic could branch out to all kinds of comments and would extend the discussion for hours. However, for next time, I think we should include one question for the panel along these lines – Regarding the troubling and tragic climate we are living in now, how do you continue to get across the line to success and opportunity? The responses might vary, but I feel they would enhance what the audience learns from the event. It is important for black women to pay attention to their well-being. I think it would be helpful if the event also provided resources for where to connect with mentors, how to find grants, how to strengthen one’s spirituality, etc. We cannot ignore the fact that what happens in our community directly affects us…it comes with the package of being a queen of black excellence.
What would my answer be, you ask? Part of the reason why I sacrifice so much, work so hard, and strive to be legit in everything I do, is to make sure my people’s pain is not in vain. I am building a legacy for those coming behind me to take notes and push further and I am hopefully making an impact so that our future is less tragic.
Overall, I enjoyed the event and am very happy The Root came to Houston. I also hope it won’t be the last time they host an event like this here. I left feeling inspired not only by what was said but also by seeing there are a lot of brilliant women in Houston doing great things to influence their community. We need more events like this here (or I need to get better at finding these events before they pass) to help facilitate these types of discussions and connections. If anyone is planning something like this here, I would love to contribute and/or help.
Also, check out The Root’s video recap. Me and my signature blazer make a few cameo appearances.
How are you getting across the line to success and opportunity? Have you attended The Root’s YFF event before?
Dagny Zenovia 