We know we are not the only siblings who have experienced a variety of dynamics within our relationship. Especially with the myths and realities surrounding sibling and family hierarchies.
In this episode, we share our experience navigating the evolutions of our sibling relationship, debunking and embodying the truths behind being the 1st born and 2nd born, and how sibling relations can reflect and heal generational cycles.
Let us know what you think of the episode.
The Class of 2020 has already made history before even starting life after high school. They are the first class to have the longest senior skip day. Actually, I don’t know if they are the first in education history, but stick with me. Students have experienced a major interference in their lives due to the pandemic. This has revealed how much school impacts and influences youth, from internet access, to learning styles, to various home environments. Instead of broadly speaking on how school has been impacted, I wanted to narrow the focus to real experience. In this video, I am joined with a very special guest, my brother Dantes, to discuss how seniors in high school maneuvered the second half of their semester, whether online-at-home schooling really works, and the layers of importance behind inter-generational conversations.
Well, senior year did not end on a high note for the Class of 2020. I think there is a lot to be said on how these students handled this unexpected shift. So much has been revealed within the inadequacies of some school districts, which some really did leave students hanging, and the abundance of some communities, which stepped in to fill the voids as best they could. Online education is not as simple as scanning a syllabus to a forum and expecting students to do the assigned homework. For those who are developing online learning platforms, either for brands, businesses, or schools, I hope you are including the needs of this generation. You will need to balance the priorities of a group of people who are the most tech savvy, have a very different attention span, and really want to feel connected with their class.
Looking at the bigger picture, I feel they are the chosen ones. I can’t tell for what yet, but there is a reason why they are called to experience this. Before 2020, this generation already understood the need to nurture the environment, was already comfortable with respecting identified pronouns, and already strive to balance mental health. They understand a lot more than others give them credit for. They have been exposed to a lot more since the time their parents gave them their first cell phone at the age of 8.
Like Dantes mentioned in the video, his generation’s biggest fear is ending up like previous generations who are unhappy and not being able to do better than previous generations. For capitalism purposes, they are identified as Generation Z. I think that label will transform with time to illustrate the freedom and clarity they possess. Similar to how the term Millennials, my generation, no longer only refers to a group of people who created social media. My generation is leading the revolution all over the world. We decided to not hold “adulting” as an excuse to continue making a mess for the next generation to clean up. Before 2020, we already shook the table by creating unconventional lifestyles that did not rely on traditional gate keepers for news, careers, relationships, education, etc. We accidentally taught ourselves how to code through MySpace and later created after school programs to teach kids coding, arts, history, and tech. Millennials made mental health, travel, individuality, collective responsibility, and financial freedom look and feel cool. There is a reason why these two generations are so close and have so much energy at this pivotal time in history. Now, let me share some advice on how to handle these fears.
In regards to fearing regret, I think everyone of every age can resonate with this. The thing I focus on to avoid regrets is intention. Everything worth having takes time. If you are intentional with what you learn and experience, there is no room for regrets. People tend to live a life full of regrets because they hold on to excuses. There is always some reason why they did not show up for themselves, why they were waiting for permission, or why they were too busy projecting. You need to prioritize your mindset in order to avoid this. The sooner you gain clarity on who you are, everything else will fall in place. That clarity comes from releasing yourself from others expectations, be it personal or distant.
In regards to doing better than previous generations, this too is a recurring goal. We all want to make our parents and ancestors proud. Understand you already have by existing at this time. You are loved for who you are more than what you do. If you can create a reality where you are truly happy and healed, then our ancestors struggle was not in vain. If you can uplift yourself and those around you in a sustainable way, then our parents dreams have come true. You do not have to follow the rules because they were not written with your best interest in mind. Let go of what school tried to confine you in. You can color and think outside of the box now. Accept that you never stop learning in life. The stage is being set up for you right now, so take the time to create what you are proud to display.
I am so proud of you Dantes. I am proud of the Class of 2020. I am so glad to have you as part of the team and am so excited to see you take the lead.
How has 2020 influenced your education plans? What have you learned from it? What do you enjoy or look for in inter-generational conversations? Let me know in the comments.
Also, what would you like to see Dantes and I discuss next? It has been so long since we did a video together. We want to do more before the time comes for our location to change again.
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I have been feeling a little nostalgic lately. It might be the spring season or the articles I have been reading about millennials or the PowerPuff Girls return to Cartoon Network. By the way, did you PowerPuff Yourself? You know I had to. Anyways, you know I am always sharing reflections on different things here on the blog, but usually only look back a few months or years. What if we looked back over 10 years ago?
I was 13 in 2002, before Instagram, Twitter, and YouTube. For entertainment, I brought my CD Walkman to school to listen to Alicia Keys “Songs in A Minor” or read the latest edition to “A Series of Unfortunate Events” or “Harry Potter.” I got most of my news from Channel One News and preferred watching Rocket Power and As Told By Ginger instead of De Grassi and One Tree Hill. Life was pretty good.
Now my brother, who is the special guest in my photos, is 13 going on 14. I am glad to share that we have a great relationship. We actually like each other! We do not only talk about the philosophical comparisons between Drake and Kendrick Lamar, but also the source of anti-matter, the intricacies of our brains, and the latest sneakers and gadgets. Sometimes, I pause and wonder if I was this deep at 13. Advances in technology have influenced the way youth mature in ways that are really remarkable. However there are still some things that the internet cannot give you: insight. I have noted that my brother, and possibly other 13 year olds, are dealing with the same difficulties I faced at that age. These difficulties are not with school work or home responsibilities, but more with interactions and paying attention to the bigger picture. Thus, I want to share some insight with 13-year-old me.
The usefulness of your teacher is hit or miss. I respect the profession, but I had more unhelpful experiences than I would like to admit. Unfortunately, not all teachers have the gift for education and sometimes use their position to hinder a student’s progress. Whether or not you are in this situation, always focus on what you can get out of the subject or class. The goal is to finish middle school to move on. Who cares if your teacher likes you or not? It would be nice if they did, but do not use that as an excuse to allow your grades to drown. There are so many wonderful things (and bigger challenges) to look forward to. Try to develop a healthier set of priorities.
Your friends enhance your life, but do not determine your worth. All of you are at a phase in your life where you are beginning to develop your individual persona. Some will be influenced by trends, religion, or family. Respect your friends and colleagues regardless of what they choose. Do not judge a person’s choices when you do not know their story. The healthiest option is to be true to who you are. You can try new things, but do not get lost in what is popular. Being unique will always be cool.
Remember how fun P.E. was a few years ago in elementary school? It felt like extra recess. So, what happened with P.E. in middle school? True, we did not play as many games and would just run around, but that is besides the point. You need to stay active. If you are a natural athlete, it would be easier for you to keep this up. If not, find something that makes you move. Even though I was tall for my age, I was not much of an athlete. I could make shots in basketball, but never had a competitive spirit. I did love the performing arts. So, I was active in dance and music. You might have to look outside of your school to find something active you enjoy, but it is important that you find it to develop movement as a habit.
What do you enjoy doing when you do not have homework? Beyond watching TV or playing video games, how do you spend your time? You are never too young to pick up a hobby. I was always occupied with something on the weekends. From playing Roller Coaster Tycoon or Nancy Drew to recording my voice on cassettes to riding my bike or scooter to sketching Disney characters to recording skits with my siblings…I actually was rarely bored at home. You have a lot more time than you think to do what you love at 13. Do not waste it.
13 is not an easy age. I have some fun memories from middle school, but I also felt excluded and invisible at times. I have my family to thank to balance that with a wholesome home life (even though we had our share of drama too). My biggest takeaway I want to share with 13-year-old me? You never had to hide your star. You did not have to fear what you were naturally great at. There was never anything wrong with you. You were always loved.
What is one thing you would like to tell your 13-year-old self? Do you have siblings or children around this age? What do you enjoy sharing with them?
Wearing: On her – Dress made in Ghana; Michael Kors shoes; Charming Charlie earrings & rings / On him – Burlington shirt and pants; Converse
Photos by my sister Damali
Dagny Zenovia 